That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
