I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
