OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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