Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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