According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
