If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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