My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
