Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
