I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
