So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
