3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
how drunk are you?
Several
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize