Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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