i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
