Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize