dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
