We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
