Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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