Non-Jews are for practice
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
