it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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