i was rollin on her like bob the builder
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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