i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
