Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
