Me too!
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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