he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
