the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
