im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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