Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
my being single is dangerous.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
