made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
