I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
