I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
