I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
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