It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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