eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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