During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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