I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
