mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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