We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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