hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just found puke in my bra..
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
