You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
