i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
