I must be too annoying 4 u.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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