I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
