Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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