I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
