New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
