So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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