Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
