I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
