woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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