there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
