no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
