How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
