You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize