I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
