Farmville is her only friend.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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