i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
