What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize