my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
