Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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