respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
And then he peed in my hair
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