you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
