i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
