susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
