just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
