She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
